I’ll wipe away your sins with blood and pain.

A Dominant woman can be called many things, “Dominatrix,” “Lady,” “Domme,” “Domina,” and the one that makes me giggle a little inside: “Goddess.” I am none of these things. I am simply “Miss” to my submissives and slaves. When they are with me, “Miss” is the only thing they need to know; what pleases me, what excites me, and what will draw punishment from me. Their only goal, their only reason for being when they’re with me, is to achieve my pleasure and garner my approval. For a few hours, I narrow their worlds down to a single pinpoint of focus: me.

That might sound selfish, it might not. I’ve been a part of this world so long that I don’t remember what society expects me to think of that scenario. And yet, in all these years, I’ve done what I do for free because I love it. I’ve never taken payment for my sessions, and it’s only recently that I’ve given thought to the idea of going Pro. My mentor told me that if I don’t start charging, I’ll begin having lines around the block… and she’s probably right. Every free night is fully booked. I juggle a schedule that would make touring musicians need to take a nap. And all of this, on top of my vanilla life as a mom, and wife to a partner who is also in “the scene.”

And it doesn’t seem to be slowing down. I get more emails a week than you can imagine. Men and women asking to serve me, asking to please me. The things they would let me do to them, if only for a few hours. And I get it. I don’t think every Dominant does, but I get it, and maybe that’s also why I’ve done what I’ve done for free for so long.

Because life is exhausting. As a child, there is right and there is wrong. But as we grow up, our worlds become political minefields where every choice has cascading results; you practically have to be a chess champion to figure out what your next three moves in life will be. It’s exhausting, and overwhelming. With me, there is none of that. With me, there is only pleasing me. I narrow their worlds down to a single, minute focal point: what it takes to please me. Every assignment, every task, it’s all been about earning a reward. Or a punishment. Because sometimes, that’s what they want, too. Sometimes, some clients just want to be punished, as though it’s penitence for a sin that exists only between themselves and their gods. In that respect, a lot of times I don’t see myself as any different than a therapist or a confessional priest. Tell me your sins, little submissive, and I’ll wipe them away with blood and pain.

So going Pro is an option. Maybe. Because if it goes as smooth as silk, we’re fine. But if it comes crashing down around me, it could take down the worlds of my husband and son.

So I guess that’s my decision to make: is reaching for what I want worth the risk of destroying what I have?

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3 thoughts on “I’ll wipe away your sins with blood and pain.

  1. Take it slow, that is all I can say….but you sound adorable, and if I am anywhere near you, I am sure I would be a sub for you too….

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