Failing the Brat Test

There’s a general trope about the Domme: we are tall women who walk around in latex or leather, we’re leggy and slender with strong eyes and a no-nonsense attitude, and we’re bratty. Often, bratty bordering on bitchy.

My mentor adheres to this general stereotype. She’s not leggy nor slender, but with her clients, she seems to be pretty bratty. I can’t judge; that’s her style. And over the past few months, I’ve worked really hard to take on that persona. Why not, right? Behind closed doors, the Dommes I know are unique, interesting, beautiful people, but when with their clients, they’re demanding and sometimes, to my mind, rude. Again, though, that’s a style. And clearly, it works.

But, I fail. I know I fail. If I’m late or overbook, I apologise. “Don’t apologise! They LOVE when you cancel on them last minute!”

Really? Because… that almost seems rude, to me. Maybe if you have that dynamic worked out…? But I’m no good at that.

“I was raped,” said a potential client yesterday, as we met for a quick cup of tea. I always meet people in a vanilla, public setting before I ever play. It gives me a chance to get a gut reaction to them, before progressing the situation.

“Ok,” I said, “tell me what happened.” He talked about it. He had been seeing another Domme in the UK for some time. One night, as she was strapping him down for a scene, another man walked in. It turned out, this Domme had wanted to do a “rape play” scene.

“Not entirely play if it’s not consensual, is it?” I said. We talked a bit more about any other triggers he had, his experiences, his like and dislikes. I thanked him for his time and left, reminding him to think over carefully whether he wanted to play with me. I don’t accept “yea”s or “nay”s on the spot; I ask my potential clients to go home, take some time, and think it over. Later that evening, I got an email:

“You make me feel very calm and relaxed. I don’t normally get that on the first meeting,” he said.

“Ah, don’t you know? Dommes are supposed to be intimidating, scary, and bratty!” I replied, tongue firmly in cheek.

“Well, sorry Miss, but you failed the brat test.”

I suppose there are worse things than to know people want to play with you because you make them feel good. I don’t know how this will translate to going Pro, but it’s something for now.

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7 thoughts on “Failing the Brat Test

  1. I feel that in a setting like you defined, we all should be polite. Once a dynamic and rules established yes be bratty, bitchy, and dominate. That’s what you are supposed to be. That’s my opinion I am sure some others have differing opinions.

    • I find I’m not bratty, not even in a scene. What I am, is demanding. My toys know that I expect the best from them, and I won’t accept less. I suppose I could manage it, if a client specifically requested… but it’s not a natural state for me.

      • Oh cool but I don’t even remember the whole of the story now. Oh well. I have so much going on that I don’t remember much any way I’d it’s over a couple days old. đŸ™‚ lol

    • Caution needs to be taken when saying “That’s what you are supposed to be.” Am I dominant? Absolutely. I take no shit, even before I play with a client. But, I don’t think my style will ever incorporate “bratty.” I’m not a child; I’m a grown woman who expects the most from her play partners/toys. Do I purposefully set up tasks that I know a submissive/slave will fail, simply so I can punish them? Of course… that’s half the fun! But for me, my style, generally it’s done with my tongue firmly in my cheek. I’m not cold about it.

      I just don’t think “bratty” will ever describe my style.

      • Sorry for being rude. If I was. I don’t even remember that far back. Deepest apologies Ma’am

      • You don’t apologise when you haven’t done anything wrong. Expressing an opinion let’s me know you’re paying attention, so don’t worry about it.

        You’re very sweet to show concern, though.

      • I went back and read the post and my comment. Now I remember why said what I did. It wasn’t meant as disrespectful. It was supposed to mean; you are the Domme, you get to make your rules. The sub should obey. The sub should accept you as you are. If you and the sub don’t mesh, then it’s a lost cause and will be not much more than trouble.
        I should have been more clear and respectful about it. Anyway I enjoy learning from others. If we ever stop learning, then we are useless.

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