Response to responsibilities; addicts and addictions

Polite society often views those of us in BDSM in one of two ways: either we’re sick perverts who were horribly molested as children, or else we’re twisted individuals who get off on harming others. We laugh manically in our leather outfits as the screen fades to black…

It would be a lot easier for me if that were true. Unfortunately, I take being a Domme very, very seriously. I am constantly gauging my actions and interactions with my subs against what I think is in their best interests. With many, the bulk of my work would fall mostly into the realm of therapist or counselor long before I ever see them in my dungeon. I listen to their fears, their frustrations, their hangups, and validate their psychology and sexuality in a way that even their closest friends can’t. The flip side, of course, is that when you’ve felt alone your whole life and you finally find someone who understands you intimately, you can… get addicted. This is particularly true for people who have just found the world of kink.

Case in point, client J. Client J had previously seen another Domme, but nothing serious; a one-off session. He came to me as a referral from a friend. I explained to him that while I played with our mutual friend as a social thing, I only accept new people as Clients. I explained what I charged and the reasons why, and he happily accepted.

Our first scene was… open. Without much specific guidance around what his kinks were, I had to base each next step on his reactions to whatever I was doing in the moment. The results were… graphic. He was quite the pain slut, and I left his little bottom covered in bruises, marks, and swelling. Did he get off on the pain? very likely, but I think he’s one of those people who also just gets off on complete and total submission to the will of another. I don’t know if there is very much I could have done during that session that he would have refused.

But now we get to the crux of the issue. His total submission, in a way that he was never able to provide before, to someone who understands what he needs and doesn’t look down on him for his desires. So, here’s where the problem starts… 3 emails later. Near constant (albeit, positive) comments on my website photos has left me… concerned. All of that really is fine, because he’s not someone I couldn’t handle, but we just played last week and he’s already fiending for another session.

He’s an addict. He’s someone who has just discovered chocolate. But unfortunately, my price tag is higher than even the best chocolate truffles. So, I’m stuck weighing my needs against his: as the Domme, do I make the call that he cannot afford to see me once a week? Are his finances his own worry? Or do I just thank heaven than I can add one more regular client to my rotation, and let him figure out his own bills? At the end of the day, this is a business… do steak houses ask to see your blood pressure before they serve you a t-bone? Or is it more than that, and I’m just choosing to be cold when it suits me? Still sorting it all out…


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