The time I accidentally masturbated my cat

After a while, you get a rapport with some clients, and you can joke and laugh in a scene. Most clients will come to you, though, and think, “BDSM is Serious Business™.” Much like baseball, there is no laughing. But some clients get to know you as a person, and you end up sharing funny stories about who you are when the leather and latex comes off…

Which is how I found myself chatting with a client about the funniest “sex thing” to have ever happened to me. Frankly, there’s probably loads, but one thing popped into my head at that very moment: the time I accidentally masturbated my cat.

I had a lovely, squishy, orange tabby. He’s an excellent nap partner, and just wants to snuggle. One day, while I was in the early stages of pregnancy with my first child, I went down for a nap. I was on my back, and my cat snuggled up to my leg. As happens with some pregnant women, I would have periods of serious arousal. It must have struck when I was napping, because I remember having an extremely erotic dream, and slowly reaching my hand down between my thighs to, err, help the dream along. I was stroking and massaging, and frankly, not feeling very much, until I hear a loud and angry “MEOW!!!” The screech woke me up, and I realised that what I had thought was, uhhh, “me,” was actually my cat’s nose, and he was less than pleased at me massaging his nose in his sleep! When I woke up and realised what had happened, I laughed for probably a good ten minutes as my tabby skittered out of the room.

….I don’t think my client stopped laughing for another five minutes, either. Sometimes, it’s nice to take off the leather and chuckle over some tea and biscuits. It’s nice to remember that not everything is Serious Business™.


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