Since leaving my husband, I’ve had some AMAZING sex. I mean, “I’m not entirely sure I can walk,” sex. Despite that, I don’t orgasm. I plateau, and I have a fantastic time doing it, but orgasm? No. Shocking news to my friend when I told her.
“As the non-kinky one here, I think that’s horrible!” She squeaked over text.
But the truth is, sex for me is so much more complex than “insert penis, jiggle back and forth, sleep.” When a man kneels at my feet, when he offers up his submission and makes himself vulnerable to me, it touches me in places that even the best vibrator can’t reach. The very first time I felt my heart skip a beat for SpecialK was after a quick little flogging session (done more out of obligation from a promise he had made to me than anything else), when he kissed the palm of my hand. At that moment, the most compelling feeling of recognition and dominance and protection went straight through me. It was like the dark little parts of my heart opened their eyes and blinkingly recognised him. It’s simply not something that even the best fuck could accomplish.
I tried to convey this, that sex is more than just meeting a single “end goal.” I think she understood, but my friend H is a bit of a dog-with-a-bone sometimes.
“You’re right near Amsterdam! Go get these gummies, and have him go down on you!!”
Well…. I mean, that just sounds like a solid plan, whether it results in an orgasm or not! And the fact is that about a month ago, I was rushed to the hospital near me, and SpecialK and I just haven’t had any “alone time” since. It’s left me edgy for play… and sloppy. And a sloppy Domme in a Catholic country is a stupid Domme.
I let slide to my boss that I’m an ethical non-monogamist.
FUCK. That was stupid. But I’m horny and sloppy and the man has a body that won’t fucking quit. The idea of grabbing his hair and forcing his face between my…
….right. Sloppy. He suggested that he may not be entirely faithful to his partner, himself. But that’s enough insurance for me to keep playing this game. Mental slap, here, kids. No more drooling over the boss, and CERTAINLY no more outting myself.
Ugh. So horny. So bored. So tell me….. do you cum?