Do You Cum?

Since leaving my husband, I’ve had some AMAZING sex. I mean, “I’m not entirely sure I can walk,” sex. Despite that, I don’t orgasm. I plateau, and I have a fantastic time doing it, but orgasm? No. Shocking news to my friend when I told her.

“As the non-kinky one here, I think that’s horrible!” She squeaked over text.

But the truth is, sex for me is so much more complex than “insert penis, jiggle back and forth, sleep.” When a man kneels at my feet, when he offers up his submission and makes himself vulnerable to me, it touches me in places that even the best vibrator can’t reach. The very first time I felt my heart skip a beat for SpecialK was after a quick little flogging session (done more out of obligation from a promise he had made to me than anything else), when he kissed the palm of my hand. At that moment, the most compelling feeling of recognition and dominance and protection went straight through me. It was like the dark little parts of my heart opened their eyes and blinkingly recognised him. It’s simply not something that even the best fuck could accomplish.

I tried to convey this, that sex is more than just meeting a single “end goal.” I think she understood, but my friend H is a bit of a dog-with-a-bone sometimes.

“You’re right near Amsterdam! Go get these gummies, and have him go down on you!!”

Well…. I mean, that just sounds like a solid plan, whether it results in an orgasm or not! And the fact is that about a month ago, I was rushed to the hospital near me, and SpecialK and I just haven’t had any “alone time” since. It’s left me edgy for play… and sloppy. And a sloppy Domme in a Catholic country is a stupid Domme.

I let slide to my boss that I’m an ethical non-monogamist.

FUCK. That was stupid. But I’m horny and sloppy and the man has a body that won’t fucking quit. The idea of grabbing his hair and forcing his face between my…

….right. Sloppy. He suggested that he may not be entirely faithful to his partner, himself. But that’s enough insurance for me to keep playing this game. Mental slap, here, kids. No more drooling over the boss, and CERTAINLY no more outting myself.

Ugh. So horny. So bored. So tell me….. do you cum? 


11 thoughts on “Do You Cum?

  1. I of course, am not allowed to cum, sometimes for months on end, but a dominant woman like you should be cumming regularly. Perhaps oral? I’m sure you have had no shortage of men willing to try….I met a woman once years ago and I asked her to go down on her and she said, dont bother I can never cum that way, even my bf could never make me cum. I begged her and she let me. 90 minutes later, she came, hard and I opened a whole new world for her. She stayed with her bf but came to me regularly for her orgasms….

    • See, 1.5 hours sounds exhausting to me. And while I don’t doubt the prowess of your tongue, I sometimes wonder if I’m physically capable of it. I’ve been told it could be everything from a physiological issue, to a lack of trust (in general). Because BDSM satisfies me in so many other ways, I haven’t to date been motivated to “remedy” the situation. That may change. I’ve certainly missed SpecialK’s tongue. And fingers. And lips…..

      Mmmmm. Horny.

      • She kept feeling like she was almost there, like that elusive orgasm was just around the corner, so we just kept going until we finally reached it….

  2. Oh my gawd, you’re my soul sister! For the first ten years or so of being sexually active (and being a Domme), I couldn’t ever cum. I know exactly what that plateau feels like!

    But for me (granted I was a teen and in my early twenties), I hated the you’re-just-not-doing-it-right and have-you-tried-this and I-bet-I-could-make-you-cum types. Like that’s the only thing that matters.

    And boyfriends had some pretty big issues about it. Like it was a blow to their manhood or something, because I didn’t cum. I’ve actually had men tell me they weren’t comfortable having vanilla sex with me. It didn’t matter that I was very obviously enjoying myself. It didn’t matter that I wanted sex all the goddamn time.

    So I started faking it. When a boy would go down on me, I’d make him go until I was ready to stop, then fake an orgasm, then go about my day. During sex, I faked orgasms. Hell, I faked multiple orgasms.

    But my sexuality and my style and energy as a Dominant was colored by the fact that orgasm wasn’t a possibility, and I was completely indifferent to whether or not I’d ever have one. I didn’t miss them. And you’re right, there’s SOOOOOOOO much more to it than just an orgasm!

    I eventually did get have an orgasm, but by then, I’d already more or less come into my own as a Domme, and it didn’t change the way I run my sessions. I always thought I was the only one, though. It’s awesome to know that there’s someone else out there who gets it!

    • Ugh yes. Everyone wants to “fix” you because sex is meaningless, if you don’t share the exact same experience. Don’t get me wrong: yay orgasms and partners shouldn’t be lazy douchebags and not put in the effort, just because a woman hasn’t orgasmed YET. But to say that that’s the be-all and end-all of sex? No, thanks!!

      Like you said, I definitely think that coming into my own as a Domme may *help,* in as far as I’ll explore more things that turn me on… but it’s still not my goal.

      And you’re FAR from the only one who doesn’t orgasm. In fact, I think it’s a fairly high %age when you factor in guilt and religion…. And the fact that my ex is back to fucking more women.

      …..sorry, ladies. I took that one for the team for as long as I could!

  3. This is a very interesting post indeed. And to anyone who might think that you not having an orgasm is a problem, I’d say that they don’t have the right to decide that in my opinion. It would be a problem if you thought it was. But BDSM and the gift of submission is your orgasm. And I respect that.
    Nice blog 🙂
    –Miss Ari ^_^

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