I don’t know anyone who goes to their first career conversation as a young teenager, and responds to the question of “what do you want to be when you grow up,” with “A BITCH WITH A WHIP!”
But here we are.
Most people seem to gravitate toward sex work for a variety of reasons or through a variety of circumstances, but at the end of the day, we’re all pretty much doing the same thing: providing an emotional experience for a client.
So, imagine my surprise when I first joined Tumblr, and found a whole sea of young women who were full service sex workers (FSSW), just doing their things. Good for them! I never would have even considered that as an option for me when I was younger, but these girls are putting themselves through school, working the cards they’ve been dealt, but above all, they seek their own independence and never want to have to rely on someone else. Not just men, but ANYONE. When I first found these women, I felt proud of who they were and what they were achieving. Trading on their looks? Sure… but models do the same thing. Using men for their money? Ok…. but the male clients were using them for the experience of being with young women. This wasn’t anything NEW, they were just making sure that they got paid for it. To me, it’s a road fraught with emotional landmines, but if they could handle it: MAZAL TOV!
I generally wasn’t surprised to see the “feminists” rail against them and how they were “allowing” themselves to be degraded. What I WAS surprised to see, were other sex workers (I shudder to say “other Dommes,” but it so often was the truth), who said, “well, I may be a sex worker, but I’m not a WHORE.”
This is the sex worker version of “I’m not like the other girls.” It’s a funny form of misogyny that was so ingrained in me, that it literally took reading a post with that comment, and the subsequent responses, before I realised how FUCKING INSANE that is. At least you’re not a WHORE? First of all, if you’re offering ANY sort of sex work for money, you give up the right to act precious about your little corner of the universe, in my opinion. You may not be full service and that’s your choice, but that doesn’t make you BETTER. In fact, literally nothing makes you a better person than anyone else, other than just being a better person. Not being a dick. Not kicking puppies. Helping people. Giving charity. THOSE MAKE YOU A BETTER PERSON, not who you will and will not fuck.
The other thing that I found truly fascinating was how many people talk about “selling your body.” There was an excellent post by a FSSW who said something like, “I sell my time, my perfume on my skin, my charming company, my vivacious laugh, but my body remains my own. Don’t get it twisted.” How strange we are as a culture, that vilifies women for selling experiences, instead of thanking them. And how much weirder that in this small corner of the universe full of women who provide these erotic experiences, that there seems to be this intense self-hatred of crossing the line between sex work, and actual SEX.
I hate to say, I may be a sex worker, but at least I’m not a hypocrite.