Summer, my housemate who cares for my youngest, is also going through a divorce and a survivor of emotional (and in her case, physical) abuse. Granted, her marriage dissolved 6 months before mine, so we’ll often talk and she’ll say something like, “I know how you feel, because that’s how I felt about 6 months ago. Let me give you some thoughts based on what I know, now.” And it’s generally quite helpful. She’s not always on the mark, but who is? I apparently didn’t even know what the hell I was thinking for ten fucking years of my own relationship, so any thoughts from an outside source are worth considering.
Anyway, you know how they say that when women live together, their periods begin to synch? That seems to happen to us quite a bit, but with our romantic lives.
Summer loves Lawrence. But Lawrence is married. That’s… not necessarily a problem for ME, because I’m poly and practice ethical non-monogamy and blah blah blah I sound a bit like a prick when I talk about it. Anyway, in this still-Catholic-country, apparently having sex with someone who isn’t your wife (even when your wife has decided never to have sex again [side note, WTF OMFG ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Who does that to their partner without having a conversarion???]) isn’t kosher. As such, the guilt levels from him can be mathematically quantified as follows:
“Jewish guilt” x “Italian mother whom you never call” = “Irish Catholic: you skipped mass to watch a match”
Suffice it to say, it’s intense. And Lawrence often can’t be here because, well, married.
Special K, as much as I love him, often can’t be here because we both work and he’s seeing two other women. So, both Summer and I have decided that we should see other people. Summer met D, and I’ve been seeing Ninja on and off. Both of us like these men. We enjoy their company and both men are caring and attentive…. and both of us are trying to convince ourselves to give these men more of a chance. Is it their fault if our hearts are preoccupied with thoughts of someone else? They’re caring, attentive, warm.
Maybe poly also means leaving space for other relationships to grow, even when you’d rather just roll up in the one. To push your own boundaries and see where that takes you.
It’s just funny how our lives seem to sometimes move in a synchronicity.