Tight Like A Fish’s Asshole, and That’s Watertight.

My housemate has an expression: “XXX is tight like a fish’s asshole, and that’s watertight!” It’s a fairly good way to express what many of my days are like, now.

7am: Get the oldest up, dressed, fed, watered, lunch made…

8am: …and loaded into the car.

8:30am: School drop off and tearful goodbyes. He’s still working on his “too cool to cry about mom leaving” routine, but I’m sure it’ll be set in a few years.

8:50am: Get into work. By now, I’ve taken four buses, so I’m basically just waking up.

9-5:30: Boring vanilla job where I am never sure how well I’m doing and whether I will be fired. But honestly, a good half of that could just be because I’m Jewish and paranoid. I’m also busy networking (vanilla), and Networking (on kik with clients or setting appointments).

6-8:00pm: Try to get in quality time with my boys, because this will be my only chance for the day. My youngest will be down by 8, latest. My oldest may go until 8:30. But they still need to eat dinner, bathe…. when was the last time I spoke to my boyfriend, again? FUCK!

8:45-10pm: Networking, taking online clients, checking Fetlife. Maybe eat dinner?

At some point, you realise that most people don’t live like this. They come home, put the kids to bed, and watch a film. But as tight as my days can get, if it wasn’t for kink, I think I would lose my mind. Maybe that’s why I ended up with my ex. Maybe a nice, “normal” man would have just been boring for me. Maybe I need SOME bit of drama to keep my life interesting. I don’t know. Maybe someday, I’ll figure out how to go slow. I’ll start a knitting circle and not make jokes about where you can put the needles. I mean, anything is possible, right??


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