When I first left my ex, I assumed that was just *it* for me. Done. Who the hell would want to date a woman with someone else’s kids? On top of that, I’m Jewish in a very NON Jewish country. And American, so it’s not like there’s a load of stability around me. Plus, there’s the BDSM factor; I’m hardly some submissive woman who just wants her man to Take Control™. My dating pool has got to be something like 0.000000000001% of the world population… like, 5 guys, two of whom are half dead in Madagascar, somewhere.
Funny enough, that hasn’t been *exactly* my experience. When Special K started dating Miss Sonata, I began seeing her partner, Ninja. Initially, I was 50/50 on him. I didn’t find him overtly annoying, so that’s already leaps and bounds above most people. Personally, I find that a man in his natural state is an entirely different beast from a man who seeks a sexual and prolonged romantic dynamic with me. A man who once was interested in my thoughts and opinions, can start to establish this bullshit dominance through subtle or overt means. For example, I enjoy fixing things and home repair; most men will find that interesting and want to have a little chat about it. But once they think they’re in Relationship Space, they’re suddenly entitled talk down to me, often without them even realising they’re doing it. One man, mid-conversation, tried to pat me on the hand like I was some child, and he nearly fucking lost the hand, and the arm attached.
I say all this to say, people change, weirdly, when they go from Friends Who Fuck, to Dating™. I think Ninja began to feel like we were Dating, rather than my using him for good sex, a friendly chat, and some more advanced home repair. This was an unfortunate mistake on his part (not just because I own sharp objects and have fantasies about the slow removal of skin off of a willing victim), but because when people let down their guard, you see what they really think of you.
Case in point:
That’s not a client; that’s a man who fancies himself something of a partner to me. Ignoring the simple fact that I have yet to find any man my equal, the simple concept that he thinks he can define what my role or “job” in our dynamic is or could be, is beyond absurd. BDSM aside, I define my roles in how I behave and interact with people. For someone to dictate their expectations of me and how I should act is… repugnant.
But this is it, really. I think most men can’t help but impose their desires on you, because we socialise them to believe that’s ok. Yes, even many submissive men feel entitled to dictate, to some degree, who you are and how you are expected to behave in this dynamic. I had one client, not too long ago, who criticised my outfit during a session… our time ended quickly, thereafter.
So here is Ninja. Guilty of being nothing more than a representative of his particular socio-economic background… our time ended shortly, thereafter.
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